i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
