I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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