O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
