Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
