Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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