I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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