can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
