Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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