oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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