i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
