I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
