I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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