i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
