Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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