His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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