Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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