I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
