I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
