Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
