Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
