There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
