So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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