Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
