Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
