DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
