Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
