Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
