Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
then he tried to convert me to islam
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
