My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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