Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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