Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
