i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
