it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
