I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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