apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
