Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
