And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
