Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
