My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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