I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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