Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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