Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
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Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My bed smells like the plague
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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