We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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