I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
