You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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