My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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