You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
