she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
