you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
