Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
