Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
