The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize