the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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