Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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