just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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