My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
