I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
