Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
