Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
