Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All I want is dick and wine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
