So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
