Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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