My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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