The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
