tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
