maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
